Rob Edwards

Composting: seriously good shit

a talk to the Composting Association Scotland's seminar, 'Planning, Permitting and Purchasing, Perth, 01 May 2008 

It is good, if somewhat unexpected, to be here. I am not a government minister, in fact more often a government critic. So it’s hard to resist a platform which could have been Richard Lochhead’s or Michael Russell’s. I wish Richard Lochhead well with he and his wife’s new baby.

Like any good opening speaker, I'll start with some jokes, and I'll assume you're broadminded. Composting: in crude terms, in one sense, maybe stretching definitions a little, what we’re talking about here is shit - and boy are there lots of jokes about that. I particularly like the way the simple word can be used to help define almost any human framework of belief.

What next for Scotland's water industry?

a talk to a Holyrood conference 'Turning the tide: the future of Scotland's water’, Edinburgh, 03 March 2008

First I would like to say something about bottled water. What is the point of it? It's hugely wasteful of resources, ludicrously expensive, and in most cases tastes no different from the water that comes out of the tap. What is the point of paying through the nose for the stuff? Why do people do it? The clue - someone pointed out to me the other day - is in the name of one of the main brands of bottled water - Evian. Look what happens if you spell the word backwards - Evian becomes naive. Maybe that's what the purchasers of bottled water are.

Thank you for inviting me to speak. It is an unusual privilege for a journalist to be asked to comment on current affairs rather than to report other people's comments, which is what I spend most of my time doing. It's daunting and, some might say, something of a cheek for a journalist to be pontificating about the future of Scotland's water, especially as many in the audience will know more than I do. Most of what I do is to write stories about the times that things that go wrong, ignoring the many more frequent times when things go right.

The environmental impact of nuclear weapons

a talk to the Scottish Government's summit on Scotland's Future Without Nuclear Weapons, Glasgow, 22 October 2007

I'm very pleased to be here. I want to talk very briefly about the work that's been done on the environmental impact of nuclear weapons, and provide some pointers as to what I think the Scottish Government may be able to do to block Westminster's plans to replace the Trident nuclear weapons system.

We have gleaned a good deal of information over the last couple of years from freedom of information requests to the Ministry of Defence (MoD). As a result we are much better informed about the potential risks of nuclear weapons - and about the potential tools available to the Scottish Government.

I want to talk first about the risks of nuclear weapons convoys, then a little about health and safety at the Faslane and Coulport nuclear bases. Next I will talk about the environmental controls, and say something about potential planning issues. I have to also make the usual caveat. The views I express are mine and not necessarily those of my employers.

Setting the scene on sustainable waste management

a talk to the 6th Annual Scottish Waste Management Conference, Glasgow, 10 October 2007

Thank you. Like a good opening speaker, I've tried hard to find a good joke about waste, but I failed. All the waste jokes I found on the internet were, well, rubbish. And one I was sent by the consultant George Niblock, who may be known to some of you, was, well, unrepeatable. So I've slightly adapted a joke mocking engineers instead. Forgive me if you've heard it.

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a waste engineer and a computer software engineer are all travelling along the road in an old banger when all of the sudden the car backfires loudly and comes to a juddering halt.
"Ah!" says the mechanical engineer, "I know what the problem is - it'll be the valves, or the piston in the engine."
"Nonsense!" says the electrical engineer. "It'll be a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".
"No, no, no," says the waste engineer, "there's bound to be something wrong with the exhaust."
As they argue, they notice that the computer software engineer hasn't said anything, so they turn and ask what should be done.
"Errr," says the computer software engineer, "how about we all get out of the car, count to ten, get back in again and just try to restart it?"

How to increase your column inches

talk to The Wildlife Trusts Directors' Conference, Pitlochry, 12 June 2007

Hello. The title of my talk today is 'How to increase your column inches'. Unfortunately that reminds me of a slightly rude letter I read recently in New Scientist about the phenomenon of junk email. A male reader wrote in to say that he didn't see what the problem was with junk email. He had been faithfully following the instructions he had received in every junk email for years, and his penis was now 42 feet long.

A journalist’s perspective on freedom of information

talk to Act Now 2nd Annual Freedom of Information Scotland Act Conference, Edinburgh, 07 February 2006.

Should scientists tamper with nature?

talk to Royal Society, Edinburgh, 09 November 2004

My business is words, so I want to start - and end - my short contribution to this evening's discussion by talking about words. Some of you may know this passage from the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible:

"I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all."

The media, radiation and risk

talk to Chilton seminar, 26 March 2004

Many years ago there was a competition in the New Statesman magazine which asked readers to summarise great works of literature in newspaper headlines. Hamlet became 'Five die in palace brawl'. Genesis was 'God says 'Man to blame''. And, most tasteless of all, Joan of Arc was rendered as 'Phew! What a scorcher'.