a talk to the 6th Annual Scottish Waste Management Conference, Glasgow, 10 October 2007
Thank you. Like a good opening speaker, I've tried hard to find a good joke about waste, but I failed. All the waste jokes I found on the internet were, well, rubbish. And one I was sent by the consultant George Niblock, who may be known to some of you, was, well, unrepeatable. So I've slightly adapted a joke mocking engineers instead. Forgive me if you've heard it.
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a waste engineer and a computer software engineer are all travelling along the road in an old banger when all of the sudden the car backfires loudly and comes to a juddering halt.
"Ah!" says the mechanical engineer, "I know what the problem is - it'll be the valves, or the piston in the engine."
"Nonsense!" says the electrical engineer. "It'll be a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!".
"No, no, no," says the waste engineer, "there's bound to be something wrong with the exhaust."
As they argue, they notice that the computer software engineer hasn't said anything, so they turn and ask what should be done.
"Errr," says the computer software engineer, "how about we all get out of the car, count to ten, get back in again and just try to restart it?"